


Robots and Railroads

by niveuos



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, I am so sorry for this, Lonely!Phil, M/M, Sad!Dan, Sad!Phil, Suicide, have fun with this, im gonna say so much angst, no happy ending, robot!dan, this isn't happy at all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-24
Updated: 2016-04-24
Packaged: 2018-06-04 02:59:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6638572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/niveuos/pseuds/niveuos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan is a robot, and Phil loves Dan. But how can Dan love him in return when his heart is made of metal and gold?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Robots and Railroads

**Author's Note:**

> hello it is i again. this is based off the japanese animation robotica* robotics, which can be found on youtube. it's only ten minutes long and will break your heart, so do go watch it after this! before reading im just letting you know that this is written very simplistically with mostly shorter sentences, which is intentional. anyway, hope you like this!

It was at a point in time when Phil was very lonely that he met Dan. Human-like robots were very common nowadays, purchased by the wealthy to do their household chores or slave labour. Soon enough the robots were developed enough to resemble humans so strongly that certain groups of individuals advocated for their release, protesting in front of various government properties at a regular basis. Phil was never one of these people. He didn't have the energy anymore.

Sometimes, the robots developed had defects, causing them to be quickly thrown away by owners in disgrace. It could be because they were too slow, too talkative, too lazy or unkind. In Dan's case, he was too full of expression, too curious and bursting with potential emotion. His owners were terrified of him. They dumped him in an alleyway.

Phil found Dan in that alleyway. He was sitting staring at the opposite wall. He hadn't moved for three days.

"Are you a robot?" Phil asked, halting his steps. He'd never spoken to one before. They generally weren't allowed out in public without supervision.

"Yes," Dan replied, unmoving. His eyes were glimmering in the saddest of ways. He had the face of someone who had given up.

"Have you been abandoned?" Phil continued, moving closer, squatting next to the frighteningly realistic mechanical boy.

"Yes. I thought too much. They didn't like that," Dan said in ways of explanation, face fallen flat, head lolled to the side.

"That's okay. I don't mind thinking. You can live with me if you want," Phil offered before thinking it through, mesmerised by the robots shining eyes. They looked so real. Phil wanted to fall into them and never surface. Maybe then he would never be lonely.

"Okay," Dan said, programmed to do as he was told. So Phil took his hand and brought him home.

Phil wasn't rich or popular or overly successful. Dan felt at ease around him, because he never told him what to do. Phil didn't make Dan do housework or clean or cook him dinner. They lived as equals, and Dan was content this way.

"Dan," Phil chimed up one afternoon, after living together for several months. "How much do you feel?"

"What do you mean?" Dan replied, drying the dishes. He did housework voluntarily now, even though Phil insisted he left it.

"Like, do you have feelings? Emotions?" The pair didn't speak much about this sort of stuff. Phil often forgot that Dan was born through nuts and bolts. He'd probably only existed for a couple of weeks at most before Phil had found him.

Dan furrowed his eyebrows, thinking. "I don't know," he said eventually, reaching up to a higher cupboard to put a glass away. Dan didn't eat, either. Phil had to recharge him sometimes, but it was only necessary every month or so. Otherwise, he required nothing.

"How can you not know?" Phil exclaimed, laughing. Dan wasn't laughing, so Phil stopped.

"What do you mean by 'feelings'?" The robotic boy came and sat down next to Phil, staring at him intently. Dan was always curious to learn new things, so fresh to life that every tiny piece of information was of interest.

"Like, when something happens, do you ever... Does your body ever change because of certain things? Like do you ever feel your insides drop or your throat clench? Does your mind ever get tired? Do certain situations make your heart race?" Phil was leaning forward, examining the other carefully, searching for any signs that would suggest he wasn't a human being. There was nothing.

"I... I don't know," Dan repeated, looking crestfallen.

"Tell me what your insides feel like most of the time," Phil insisted. The television was on. There was a news broadcast. A robot had burned down his owner's house. The police took him in. They said he was programmed incorrectly, so they fixed him up. He was better now. They moved on to another story.

Dan's face still looked lost, deep in thought, trying to figure out what it was he felt. "Heavy. Everything is heavy. My mind is fuzzy. I don't want to do anything. Nothing feels good," he said finally, looking down at the floor.

"That's how I feel when I am sad," Phil offered, ruffling his hair.

Dan smiled, but it wasn't happy. "Then I guess I am sad," he said, then got back up to finish drying the dishes.

 

  
After a few more months, Phil found that his mind was almost always occupied with thoughts of Dan. When he was working or shopping or getting his hair cut, he thought about how the robot was doing at home, and if he was alright. His loneliness had disappeared now, but he always felt like something was missing when he wasn't with Dan. He hardly went out unless it was for work. That way, he could spend as much time with his clockwork friend as possible.

Phil had read somewhere that if it hurt to be apart from them, it meant that you loved them. Phil didn't know what kind of love that quote meant, but he figured he must love Dan. So when he got home from work one evening and saw Dan lying in the middle of the floor staring at the ceiling, he lay down next to him.

"Do you like being here?" Phil asked, because there wasn't much to see on the ceiling, but he knew Dan had probably been looking at it for several minutes before he had arrived.

"I guess so. It's better than where I was before," Dan said half heartedly, tracing images with his eyes through the marks on the walls that Phil couldn't see.

"That's good," Phil whispered, closing his eyes. "I love you," he added as afterthought, just to see how it felt. Nothing changed. His heart still ached.

"What does that mean?" Dan asked, curious as ever. There was a spider in the corner of the room, where the far wall and ceiling connected. It had a fly caught in its web. Dan felt nothing for the fly. It was its own fault for being stupid enough to catch itself in the sticking strings.

"I don't know," Phil said, sighing. "I miss you when I'm not with you. Your presence makes me happy. I want to hold you a lot of the time. I think you're beautiful and interesting and thoughtful. My heart skips a beat when you get to close. My heart aches for you," he tried to explain, and his heart ached then, too.

"Oh," Dan said, eyebrows furrowing together. "I don't think I can feel love, then," he concluded, watching as the spider ate the fly. It was gross. He looked away.

"Why not?" Phil wasn't upset about it, not now. Life had never favoured him, after all.

"Because my heart is made of metal and gold. It doesn't ache for anyone. It doesn't beat for anyone."

"That's okay," Phil huffed, sitting up. "I'm used to not being loved in return."

Phil stood now, brushing off his suit and moving to the kitchen to prepare dinner for himself. He knew Dan was still lying on the floor. He did strange things such as that often.

"I wish I could be happy," Dan blurted, rapidly sitting up, too. "I wish I could be something that wasn't sad."

"Why are you sad?"

"Because I was made to be sad." Dan stood up. He went to his room. He didn't sleep because he couldn't sleep. He stared at the ceiling of this room, instead. There were no spiders. This was good.

Phil made himself dinner in silence. There wasn't a lot in the pantry because Phil hated going grocery shopping, since that meant he had to be away from Dan. Thus, he made pasta. It tasted okay.

Later that night, he cried himself to sleep. Phil felt lonely again.

 

  
"Hey, Phil," Dan asked, head resting in his lap, eyes closed as Phil played with his hair. They did things like this often now, because it made Phil happy and Dan liked it when Phil was happy.

"Yeah?" Phil asked, tapping his nose affectionately. Dan did not smile, but Phil knew he probably would have if he felt more strongly.

"Can humans kill themselves if they want?" Phil jumped, startled at the question. Dan had never asked something like that of him before.

"Well, yes, if they'd like," Phil stuttered, continuing to play with the robot's hair, trying to calm himself. When Dan spoke like this, it made Phil nervous. He never knew what to expect. Dan could be curious, or he could be considering things that Phil used to consider himself and he hated that. He hated the thought of that idea even crossing the poor boy's mind. He didn't deserve that. Nobody deserved that.

"It would be so simple for them. Humans are so fragile," Dan sighed, seeming content, not at all bothered by this topic of conversation. Dan didn't know what subjects were and were not acceptable to speak about. Phil had tried to teach him, but to no avail. Dan couldn't understand.

"Well, I'd say certain bones are actually pretty strong. It takes a lot of pressure to break a femur," was all Phil could manage to come up with to say, coughing. There was the tiniest hint of a smile on Dan's face, but Phil didn't see it.

"Their bones may be strong, but their lungs aren't. Or their hearts. Or their souls." Dan was counting sheep behind his closed eyelids. Phil had told him once that this was a way humans tried to get to sleep sometimes. He was up to his six thousandth sheep. Dan wanted to sleep forever.

"What do you know about human souls?" Phil scoffed. Phil wondered what went on in a robot's mind. How similar were they to humans? He wondered if they were all like Dan. This thought made him sad.

"You have one. It seems to be quite deflated. Your soul breaks very easily."

"I guess that's true."

There was silence for a while.

"I want to die," Dan said. Phil choked on his own saliva. He began to cry, clutching Dan's chest and his hair and his face and his neck. Dan let him do this. He felt Phil's tears dripping onto his own cheeks, and he reached a hand up to touch them. There were pieces of Phil's soul in their glimmering surface, falling apart, broken for Dan.

 

  
Dan was like this most evenings. He talked about death a lot. Phil asked him why. He said it was because he was sad. His insides were heavy. His mind was numb.

Phil tried absolutely everything to make Dan happy. He dragged him out of the house to go to shops and amusement parks and carnivals and dog watching. Dan said he felt no different after these things. He said he appreciated Phil's effort very much, but he wanted to go home so he could stare at the ceiling and contemplate for a while. Phil said if that would make him happy, then they would do it. Dan lied and said it might. Phil knew he was lying, but took him home anyway.

One evening, Dan came to Phil's room and stood in the doorway.

"Are you alright?" Phil asked. Dan looked troubled. He hadn't spoken about death in a while, and Phil wasn't sure if he ought to be relieved or concerned.

"Yeah. Can I lie here?" he asked. Phil said yes, so Dan snuggled in next to him, pressing his face into his chest.

"You've never done this before," Phil thought aloud, as Dan clutched to his skin, eyes squeezed tightly shut.

"I think I might love you. I'm not sure though. Robots aren't supposed to feel," Dan murmured. "Except I feel sad. So maybe I can feel love. I miss your company when you're not around. And I think you're beautiful."

"Thank you," Phil whispered, worried that if he said any more the moment would disappear into nothing. He felt himself smile and squeeze Dan tighter to his chest. "I still love you," he continued, kissing the top of his head.

Phil fell asleep. "I wish you didn't," Dan said to the dark. The dark didn't reply.

 

  
Dan wasn't in Phil's arms when he woke up. "Dan?" Phil called out, sitting up, wiping his eyes to try and rid them of the grogginess. He didn't hear anything, so he stood up and wandered to the kitchen. Dan wasn't there. He checked Dan's room. Dan wasn't there, either.

Phil started to worry, throwing on some proper clothing and running out of his apartment. "Dan?" he called again, heart racing. He looked down the road and saw Dan, standing in front of the railroad crossing. "Thank god," he whispered to himself, following after him.

Dan didn't turn around. He walked out onto the tracks.

 _I want to die._ The words echoed in the back of Phil's head.

The lights began to flash. Dan's eyes closed.

 _I was made to be sad._ Phil was running now.

Dan raised his arms. There was a smile on his face. The only other time he had smiled this way was when he stared at Phil's wistful, sleeping face the night before. Phil was indeed beautiful.

 _Everything is heavy. Nothing feels good._ "Dan!" Phil shouted, fully sprinting down the sidewalk now, head spinning. He couldn't see properly. He had almost reached Dan.

Dan spun around, noticing Phil a few metres away. "Phil," he sighed softly, reaching out a hand. Phil leaped for it, letting out a strangled cry.

_"I love you."_

Phil was clutching Dan's hand, sobbing. "Can we be together forever?" he choked, body shaking. "I want to run away with you."

Dan didn't reply. The hand Phil was holding wasn't attached to a body. The body of Dan was several feet away, smashed to smithereens. There was a smile on his face. There wasn't a smile on Phil's.

Phil was crying so much he could hardly breathe. He gathered all Dan's broken parts, dragging his body back to his home. He furiously banged the pieces together, snot covered nose and puffy red eyes, whining noises escaping his throat at mismatched intervals. "You bastard!" Phil shouted, throwing Dan's hand across the room. "I can't fix robots! I don't know what to do! I love you! I love you!"

Phil crawled over to where he had thrown Dan's hand, grabbing it again, furiously trying to make the fingers squeeze his back. They wouldn't.

"Fuck!" Phil sobbed, staring into the broken Dan's eyes. Dan's cheeks were wet, as if he had been crying, as if the rain had found a home on his face, as if robots could feel.

 _Humans are so fragile,_ Phil thought, desperately clutching the hand to his chest, staring at the mangled body, unsure of what to do. Nothing was right. This wasn't right.

 _Their bones may be strong, but their lungs aren't._ Phil couldn't breathe. His ribs were restricting. There wasn't any oxygen in this room. There wasn't enough of anything.

 _Or their hearts._ The ache was strong in Phil's, and he wished to cut it out. If he cut out his heart, he wouldn't be able to feel. Phil could not fix Dan when he was walking. He could not fix Dan now that he was not.

 _Or their souls._ What was left of Phil's soul? It had escaped him the moment the train hit Dan's side and sent him soaring. Everything that made Phil up had run away. Phil was an empty vessel now, waiting for someone else's heartache to settle inside, patient for other bad feelings to follow.

All he wanted was a friend. He wanted to be loved. He wanted to love and love in return. The hand still did not hold him back.

In the dark of his living room floor, where the wires and parts and mechanics of Dan lay scattered in an ugly, untidied fashion, Phil realised he was lonely again.

**Author's Note:**

> i am very sorry. i could have made this have a happy ending but i didn't bc i was sad when i wrote it. if you want to read something longer with a happier ending, go check out silent afternoons, also by me. anyway, please leave a comment on your thoughts, ive never written in this style before so feedback is much appreciated!  
> love u lots xx


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